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The sisters sharing a view of Andorra
Sometimes it feels like living under a microscope, being in such close proximity to the family at all times. There is no independent life, when we explore it is together, everyone wants to go along to the grocery store, taking the car alone means someone else is left behind.
At home, our connection to each other was looser. The threads of our lives crossed with others, weaving in lunches with friends, boys fishing trips, sleepovers for the girls. John would be gone to the cabin with buddies, Marlie would drift up the street to Katie’s house and both would show back up in our yard later. Hannah would meet friends to go shopping or to the movies.
Now the tapestry that comes from the loom is made from fewer threads. Our lives may be richer in the places we experience, but the threads of the lives of friends and family that usually are woven in with ours are missing. Weaving with fewer threads means we cross each other’s paths more frequently.
Because we have been so many places where English is rare, long conversations with others and even short term friends for the children are uncommon. We’ve had a few days sprinkled in; visits with other travelers, either from home or random, whose paths cross ours, and we revel in them like the taste of chocolate cake in the midst of dieting.
This intense family time is both enjoyable and not. I think we understand each other in ways we never would have at home, an understanding imposed by proximity. Frictions felt less frequently also do not escalate into conflict, yet conflict draws attention to the friction and makes us look at it, peering into our relationships and own selves. Trying to understand our own reactions and how they impact the others.
Family hike in Andorra
Clearly, the memories we are creating together can’t help but make us closer. For the rest of our lives we will have shared stories of magical places and inside jokes spawned from others. Things we have learned about together and about each other will be a part of who we are collectively, a shared family identity.
There is this pressure to experience everything we have time to while we are in each place. It makes it difficult to do anything alone. Here in the mountains, I have been encouraging John to go explore in the mornings when the girls are doing schoolwork. Otherwise, we don’t get out of the house until everyone is ready (a chore that warrants its own blog post) because nobody wants to miss the opportunities that will not be in the next place we stay.
Living in such close proximity means constant interruption. At break times between lessons for the girls or John getting up for another cup of coffee means someone looking over my shoulder asking what I am working on. Marlie’s ADHD pulls me over to her distraction, setting her back on task. The changing configuration of our home surroundings brings the constant “Where is the (fill in the blank)?” question or oft needed help connecting to another new internet wifi or modem.
We try to establish routines and keep our things somewhat organized, but work and living spaces are constantly shifting. Staking out space on a desk or table does not always mean it will be yours when we get back at the end of the day and pull the computers back out of the Pacsafe. Nobody wants to be the one stuck with their computer on their lap every time.
We jostle and bump against each other daily, hourly, each waking minute. We have little other face to face social outlet. We must rely on and wait for each other, sharing most of our experiences. We live in apartments that are usually about a third, and sometimes a fifth, the size of our home in Bend. We sleep and eat there, and also work and go to school in this space. We do this with as much love and kindness as we can.
I hear ya! As someone who has been traveling with my family non-stop since 2006, I must admit though, that the closeness and bonding is the best part of our travel.
Sure, there are always moments, but the key for us has been simplify, simplify, simplify, slow travel and less “doing” and more being. More than the places, the togetherness is perhaps the greatest value of a RTW adventure. We spend much of our time in a tiny van sized ( with cab over) RV & still find ways for privacy and to work and school. I was use to a big house with land, so never imagined that would be possible before we left.
Encourage your girls to reach out to others even without language in common or even age…that can help. Today my child had a great time playing with a younger child who spoke English at the pool ( most of the kids were French) and then later had a ball with one her age that didn’t speak a word of English, but they loved finding shells and rocks together at the beach.
Since my daughter doesn’t have a sister,and she is very social, she has learned from this trip how to make friends instantly with any age and any language. I demonstrated how to do that for her in the beginning, even helped find her some the first few times, then encouraged her to do it on her own. I think it is a valuable skill to learn and it’s really easy to make friends on the road as people seem to love travelers. Meeting locals and other travelers is part of the fun. Hang out where other families/kids hang out and reach out. Sometimes it is amazing at the connections and conversations one can have with others even with little language in common.
All of this gets easier and easier as the trip goes on and you find a new way of being. That’s one of the many joys of long term travel. It changes you and the family team becomes stronger and more united.
( I am writing this as they sleep as this is my quiet “alone” time & one way I get …often before they wake up or after they go to bed, but then I did that at home too as I just don’t need the same amount of sleep).
Hope we get to connect!
Thanks, Soultravelers3, for the encouragement.
Our younger daughter, who enjoys playing with littler kids does sometimes find common ground and play with some other children. The other day she played for a while with a Spanish girl in the pool, and has found small ways to connect with other children from time to time, English speaking of not. She’s less shy by nature than our teenager, who finds it more difficult to reach out to others even at home.
Having that sister always there gives a companion at all times, but also means they both reach out less. First because they don’t absolutely have to, and second because two together are less approachable for other children. I think you are right, though, it will get easier as we go. Both because we’ll all become better at reaching out and also because we’ll get used to the constant proximity with each other.
I have to laugh, I’m usually the first one up, and I relish that quiet of the morning before I wake the girls. It’s my work time, and also my sanity.
Thanks again. Hope to cross paths while we are both in France!